Just a thought...

I used to have a really strong idea of the person I wanted to be and it pushed me to carry on, to keep going to the gym, to keep eating well. I had a vision of how my day would evolve and worked hard to get that. I had even written a blog entry that was like a journal of my perfect day. I would say over the last year this image in my mind has faded and I don't put so much emphasis on it anymore... why I don't know? Because it is still important to me, but I have put other things higher up the list. The thing is the things that are higher up shouldn't really be there....I would prefer to eat a takeaway pizza than cook clean and healthy food on a Friday night, I would prefer to drink a bottle of wine with it rather than abstain and be healthier, I would prefer to sit on my ass than do just about anything... I think my role models have gone or at east aren't as vocal about their lives anymore..... the ladies on M&F Hers really used to inspire me.... Creative User Name, Indigo Bunting, Tuff Chick, Lizzy, Brodie, Chouka and everyone else who was regular on the boards over there, but lives move on and most of us are still in touch by facebook, but our discussions are less about the daily battles to become fit amazing women.... so now I am influenced more by the people around me...My hubby (very fit and ripped, but can and will eat what he wants), people at work (who don't get the fitness lifestyle), my family (who think it is sacriledge to not drink loads on a Saturday night) and my parents (they try to be fit and healthy, but are still learning.  I am taking on their habits and beliefs and losing my habits and beliefs....
I need to pull this back in and re-focus....

29th Feb

Missed another few days...

Quick blog for an update.....

Food, Fitness, FLYing (holiday or otherwise) .. well basically everything is a struggle and not really going to plan!!

House stress is taking over... you think you are getting somewhere and then here comes another kick in the teeth.. It's gonna cost a fotune to move house - it'll be worth it though I'm sure...But right now I am full of doubts over every decision I make - its tough!

In the meantime, holiday is catching me up quickly... 1 week tomorrow and I finish work.. keep getting little flutters of butterflies when I think about it!!

Monday 27th Feb

So I missed a few days there... and don't I know it? Everything went to the dogs.....

Drop cm's
1a - Erm, this went seriously wrong from Tuesday onwards... there was pasta garlice bread, pizza....hmm all the good..erm bad stuff!!! Every day I would try to get back on track... today I will, Ok so today I will... erm todays the day.... well needless to say.. today I will try again!!
1b - Again - this has been hard to do... We hae been stressed (see house goals) and so my required sleep levels have gone through the roof, as have my tummy fat storage hormones probably... so I have managed to get to the gym only a couple of times this last week.
1c - Well if nothing else is going to plan then this isn't going to is it?

Increase the £'s
1a - budget was going ok, with the offer on the house being rejected I stopped being too careful and overspent on food ... takeaways, calling at tesco etc...Then we have redecorated the bathroom £200, then Matt put a nail through a water pipe... another £80
1b - not there yet

Work stuff
Struggling here, too many other things going on - house-wise, but trying to keep my focus on work, but then I haven't got any to do either so it's pretty difficult to keep my head in the game!

FLYing
Ha - wot is it?

Holiday FLYing
erm... no clue about this either!

Home Improvement
6a - Well..... offer accepted at £243k woohoo, looked into several 'quickie' sale people ... all offering a max of £60k for ours... I really want £65k minimum... Doing all we can to make ours attractive to someone and have 2 x valuers out this week... see what they say! Natwest mortgage is pretty much in place, just final underwriting to do after we have signed the papers.
6b - Hopefully not required!
6c - Bathroom almost updated - still to finish.... Valuers here this week.

ME
7a...not doing too great....

I don't know what to say at the moment.... I could almost sit and cry because I am so frustrated about my diet, my fitness, my lack of organisation, my lack of being ready for this holiday... but I can see the bigger picture, this is all for the house, the new lifestyle, the next step on the ladder, but ideally I still want to do it all!!I am going to get to Borneo, not fit into any holiday clothes and be pissed at myself. Half of me just figures that my new life can start in Borneo... I can start to take care of myself and my body and then continue when I get back.. but WTF I feel so confused and pissed at myself this morning!!

So ... what is happening today?
No gym am.... I can still go tonight!!!
No food prep'd...so take easy stuff like CC, get food prep'd today for tomorrow
Clean house before work.... valuer coming
Drink water...this gets rid of loads of sins!!